Over forty years ago, something so totally unexpected happened in my life that not only was I not prepared for it, I still look back on it and ponder how in the world I survived the events. One day, I was a young mom celebrating with my husband that our baby was about to turn a year old. Then, the phone call came. In the middle of the night, of course. My grandmother in Virginia called and said my entire family was packing up and leaving Virginia and if I wanted to tell them good-bye, I needed to get to Virginia right away. Well, I didn’t understand what was happening, but I told my husband and he helped me to calm down enough to pack our things and get ready for the seven hour drive to my hometown. Unfortunately, when I got there, my family was gone. My mom, my dad and my three younger siblings…gone. I was greeted by the sheriff’s department who were investigating my father and told that I could get personal items out of the house, but nothing else. The home I had lived in most of my life before marriage was going to be auctioned. I was in a cloud of confusion and despair, hoping to hear from my parents that they were just on a trip and would straighten everything out soon. My husband had just separated from the military as we prepared to attend Youth With a Mission in New Jersey, and we had a few months before our school started. So we spent that time first staying with my grandparents and then in a long-stay motel while we waited for our new life in NJ to begin. Meanwhile, I was dealing with the grief of losing my family, the overwhelming grief of my grandparents who had always had my mom in the same town with them, and a change in life’s circumstances that meant we had no viable income but were depending on God. Everything was changing, and I am not one who likes any change at all, much less change that turned my world upside down. But God was right there with me and He had a plan. The experience with YWAM was not one I would want to repeat, mostly because they were not set up for young families, even though there were half a dozen of us attending this session. I had to relinquish my young daughter to their daycare early every morning and did not see her again until after evening classes, sometime around dinner. It was breaking my mamma’s heart not to be with Hope, but I dutifully did what the leaders said to do, attending classes, working a job off campus to pay off bills to the school and studying God’s Word diligently. It was in burying myself in His Word that I found the comfort that I needed. After all, it had only been a few short months since my family disappeared and now I was in a new state, living in one room, eating barely recognizable food (we had chicken fly soup a lot…because we said the chicken flew over it but never stayed there), and expected to do the menial labor of cleaning houses for just enough money to pay to do our laundry. I was desolate and felt abandoned by all but God. My husband was preparing to go on a missions trip and I was working extra to help pay for that adventure for him. He, by the way, was all in for YWAM, and I was the reluctant participant. I saw my husband less than I saw our daughter, but that was okay at the time because God was with me. Every spare minute I had was spent in God’s Word, praying for my family and desperate to hear from them. The only people I heard from was the FBI…no, really, the FBI was involved and kept trying to get me to tell them where my parents were. Thanks goodness, I honestly did not know! Anyway, in the darkest, bleakest days of my life, God was right there. He held me in the long nights as I cried out my grief and despair. He comforted me with His Word and reassured me that He was right there with me.

We completed our classes at YWAM and my husband and I decided that since I was pregnant again (in spite of using birth control), he would go back into the military to support our small family. After two years, I unexpectedly got a letter from my mom. The family was in FL and was safe but I couldn’t tell anyone where they were. Eventually, a couple of years later, I was able to visit them because daddy did some kind of deal with the authorities and they knew where he was then. Two years without knowing where they were…two more years before seeing them again. My five year old sister was nine, my brothers were almost grown. In fact, one had quit college and given up a full scholarship to go with my parents when they fled Virginia. They were working and barely surviving, but they were alive! My grandparents, by the way, never got to see them again. They were too frail to travel to FL and my parents could not return to VA (or wouldn’t…I’m not sure). They did talk on the phone, but that was before technology allowed for video calls, so it wasn’t the same as having them less than fifteen minutes away. Anyway, that’s how I know that the more you need God, the more present He is in your life. I would not recommend YWAM to any young family, but for me, at that time and under those circumstances, it was the best place for me. I was filled daily with God’s Word which was the exact nourishment I needed to face each uncertain day.

My parents are both dead now. My siblings have their own families, two in Fl and one in CO. We are all close to each other, clinging to the relationship we have together and all with a faith that one day, we will get to see our parents again in heaven. Whatever the future brings, I have full confidence that God and I can handle it together. My saying to myself and others who wonder at my strength during tragedy is,” Nothing will happen today that God and I cannot handle together.”

Closer Than You Think

In one unsuspecting moment, everything can change.

A relationship can shatter, a dream can suddenly end. Your heart can break for a million different reasons: grief, rejection, loneliness, uncertainty, tragedy, betrayal.

When something terrible happens and the world makes zero sense…

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. 
Psalm 34:18 NLT

David, the writer of Psalm 34, preached what he lived. He experienced some intense highs and fierce lows, but he recognized God’s presence in the midst of his circumstances. He knew that God was near, and God could change any situation in an instant.

Is your heart broken? Is your spirit crushed?

God is near.
He hasn’t left you to fight for yourself.
He sees you in your heartbreak.
He meets you where you are.
He has not forgotten you.
He has not abandoned you.

This doesn’t mean you won’t face hard things. But even when your mind races and your heart doubts, God offers a peace and an intimacy that cannot be fully explained.

Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, we now have constant access to God’s presence through His Holy Spirit. There are many places in the Bible where the Holy Spirit is described as the Comforter—ready to soothe, guide, counsel, and encourage. 

The comfort we receive from God is a gift from His Spirit who is always with us. So if your heart is breaking and your spirit is crushed, know that you are in good hands. God is near, and He will not abandon you.

Today, take a few moments to name anything that has crushed your spirit. Then, give yourself permission to just sit in God’s presence for a few moments. When you’re ready, consider memorizing today’s verse and meditate on it throughout your day.