Oh, yes, it has seemed lately like I have faced one trial after another, and just when I think that the sun is breaking through, another obstacle has been placed in my path. I thought my surgery would be February 6th and I would be able to visit our grandchildren for little Penny’s fourth birthday on February 22nd. But, alas! It was not to be because my surgery was postponed until February 18th and I can’t travel until at least after March 7th, the date of my post-op appointment. So, I have been looking to God for guidance and for His comfort. He led me to the 23rd Psalm, specifically a couple of verses that really stood out.
In green pastures represents plenty of all we need, including rest. All is good because God is in control and He is taking care of keeping everything green and growing while I just rest. The waters are quiet because if they were rushing or roiling, I would not be able to rest because I would be listening for a flood or some other disaster. So, God has allowed me the last two months to count my blessings and to let me know that He has me in the palm of His hand. He hasn’t taken His eyes off of me, although I confess that there were many times when I was tempted to turn from Him. He has let me know how precious I am to Him, even in the middle of this wild and crazily restrictive diet that I have had to follow.
I must admit that one of the things that has been most concerning to me, of course, has been the idea of not making it through the surgery. After all, my friend had the same surgery in December and died a week later. Nevertheless, through much prayer and encouragement from friends and family, I am pushing onward, knowing that I cannot possibly live such a limited life wherein fish is my main staple and I am not allowed to travel. So, surgery it is! But God, in His infinite love and wisdom has constantly told me that He is with me, even through this. After all, He did not leave me when I was all alone on one strange military base after another. He did not leave me when my mom died when I was only in my thirties. And He was right there with me when my father died in July, 2017. Somehow, this seemed different though, so I have been seeking Him to make sure that all my “ducks are in a row.” I updated my will and the addendum to it. I have made sure to contact siblings with whom I have not been in contact for a while, just to say that I love them. Now, do I expect to die? Honestly, I don’t know. Nevertheless, I want to be ready. Just as I have spent most of my life organizing and planning, this, too, seems to be something that I should prepare for. But the greatest preparation took place almost forty-six years ago when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
God has let me know that He is and has always been with me, right beside me or walking in front of me, preparing the way. The promise is that, regardless of the outcome, I will dwell in God’s house forever. I will always be with the Lord. If I live, then I live to serve the Lord. If I die, then He has called me home to be with Him. There is an assurance in that, a calmness that the world cannot give. The surgeon tried to alleviate my natural fears, telling me that I will “only” have five or six small incisions. Hmm. Well, that didn’t help my mindset! On the other hand, knowing that God will be with me when they put me to sleep and with me when I awaken is the way I keep myself calm. My prayer for all of my readers is to have the assurance of God’s love that is your insurance for your future. Only God can give the peace to know that it’s all going to turn out okay, no matter what happens. He has been there for me, and He will be there for you! Blessings!