From my devotional today:

The word “cancer” rattled around my brain like a pinball bouncing back and forth, looking for a place to land. A place to register. And then it dropped. Sinking into my heart. Shredding everything in its path.

As much as comfort can be our friend, it can also be our enemy. Have you ever been just fine where you are? Your health is good. You have plenty of money in the bank. Your job is secure. All of your kids are healthy. Life makes sense. God is behaving like he should, or at least like you think he should. And then Jesus says, “Follow me. You’ve learned enough by the lake. Let’s go in the lake.” 

This is exactly what Mark records Jesus doing with his first disciples. Jesus shifts his location as he shifts his lesson.

The disciples found themselves in water instead of by water. It was getting dark. Evening was coming. And where there is water, there are also waves. Before long, these waves were threatening the very lives of these young followers of Jesus.

But if not for the storm, they would never discover the goodness and power and faithfulness of the God who was with them. Without fear, they would never know faith. Without hurt, they would never know hope.

It’s no wonder Mark records that Jesus was the only one unmoved by the storm. The chaos of the water and storm were no threat to Jesus. In fact, he was in the stern of the boat, sleeping on a cushion. At rest. This was going to be a lesson not for Jesus but for the disciples. And for us.

We need water to grow. And some lessons we can learn only in the midst of chaos, not in a classroom. And no matter how we get there, we can trust the God who meets us in our storm

(From You Version Devotional, “In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake”, emphasis added by me)

My Thoughts

I really needed to start a new devotional, and this one was recommended to me. I really like that the underlying theme is trusting God in the midst of difficult circumstances.

On Tuesday, I was in the waves, the wind was getting stronger and the waves threatened to overcome me. But I contacted my neurologist, the one who is faithful and dedicated and told him my fears about my Doppler scan and asked what I should do about it. He has called me before as late as 9:00 p.m., just to check on me or to reassure me. Last night, Dr. Smith called at 7:30 and told me not to worry. He read the scan and my blockage is there but it is mild. He said “mild” is considered 10-50%, but he also told me that he compared this year’s scan to last year’s and this year’s is actually better. No change in medicine or routine and no surgery! It was like Jesus speaking, “Why did you doubt? Peace, be still!”

I doubted because of my humanity. I am ready to meet the Lord, but I am not ready to go yet, so hearing that I could possibly have another massive stroke was scary for me. There is so much more I want to do, more people to talk to, more relationships to work on. I know that God’s timing is perfect, but is anyone really ready to die? When I do pass away, I don’t want to linger. I want to just go, and I have prayed to God about that. Whatever happens, I do have confidence that God will take care of all of the details in my best interest and with the love He has constantly shown me.

I am hopeful that this experience will help me remember how trustworthy God is, even when the winds come up and threaten to topple my boat. I am still discovering more of God’s power, faithfulness and the hope that He wants me to have in Him. I am taking small steps, but they are in the right direction.

Peace Be Still-Holly Darst