This was my devotional this morning, after a heart-wrenching day yesterday. The devotional is from the YouVersion Bible App and is entitled “Knowing God Has a Plan: 5-Day Devotional by Anne Wilson.”

When Grief Comes, Is God Still Good?

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

Some say grief is horror at loss…at not being able to touch them, laugh with them, or make new memories with them. Others may say it is soul-crushing…excruciating…and it makes eternity feel instantaneously close… yet so far away. For me, it is all of this on top of the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens rolled into one. 

In the “Seventh of June” song, I wanted to be transparent about the process of grief…how it comes in waves and on anniversaries…how it spills out in tears. We are all in the trenches at times – “praying and trying to make sense of what don’t make sense in this life.” We are all put on notice, waiting for the impossible moment that we never want to face. But we all face loss. We are not getting off of this earth without it. 

Grieving people ask themselves: Did they know how much I loved them? What should I have done differently? It can be heavy and full of despair, yet empty of adding up to make sense. How could this have happened? Why did this happen? And the ones no one likes to talk about: Is God still good? And where is God in the midst of our grief? 

Jesus says in the Sermon on the Mount: Blessed are the broken-hearted for they shall be comforted…but ask a new mother holding her stillborn baby if she feels blessed. Ask anyone at the edge of a hospice bed if they feel blessed. 

I have learned that the blessing is having Jesus to weep with you. To hold you. To give you supernatural peace that only He can give. At my lowest times and my darkest days, the Prince of Peace is there to encourage me and to catch my tears. I want to remind you that He is good and promises us that weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning. 

Here are some questions to ponder as you process your grief with the Lord: 

• Is God responsible for our loss? 
• There must be a reason we have a period on earth to experience truth, beauty, and goodness but also deception, ugliness, and evil. What could God’s purposes be?

Now, back to me and my losses. Two good friends and former colleagues passed away this week, but I just heard of their deaths yesterday on my way home from my urologist. I was rejoicing that my bladder scan was good and the solution proposed was an easy one of long-term, low dose antibiotics. Then, I got the text that shattered my world and sent my heart into a tailspin. Ann Garner, the attendance secretary at the high school where I worked for so many years here in Virginia, passed away on Sunday morning. Ann was a dear friend as well as a co-worker. She and I used to go out to lunch together several times a month. After my stroke, she was gracious to include my husband Harry in our outings, since I couldn’t drive myself. We shared laughter, tears and a lot of happy times together. I spoke to her just before I went on the grad tour. She called me to tell me that a former student wanted my phone number and she wouldn’t give it to her without my permission. When I called her back, she sounded really weak, not like herself at all. So I asked her what was going on in her life these days. We hadn’t seen each other for over a year since I had health issues, she had health issues and we just couldn’t make our schedules work. But we stayed in contact, so I was devastated to hear her news that her cancer was not only back but she was on home hospice care. I asked if there was anything I could do and she just asked me to pray. So, my husband and I did. I knew then that the end was close, but I refused to accept that truth and kept praying for healing. After all, she had survived for twelve years with cancer. But the end came in spite of my prayers because God called Ann home to be with him. A widow since 2006, she is reunited with her beloved Clarence now, so I know that her cup is filled with joy. I, on the other hand, feel distraught and a deep grief, a sense of longing for our times together that won’t happen again.

The second blow came as I was online trying to find the information about Ann’s services. I finally found it on Facebook, of all places, and in scrolling, I discovered that a second colleague, Coach Joe Harper had passed away yesterday. Joe was a wonderful man and a good friend who encouraged everyone to enjoy life while we had it. After my stroke, he used to come by my room almost daily just to check in with me and ask how I was doing. I should note here that he taught all the way on the other end of a very large building, but he made the trek to the language hallway because he cared about others, including me. He used to greet us in the office at the mailboxes each morning with the same big smile and the words, “Another day in Paradise!” I truly believe that this kind and loving man who was unselfish to his core is also in the presence of the Father.

After these two deaths had time to settle in my conscious, I cried quietly, then I sobbed. Then, I went to bed early, long before my regular time. In fact, I was asleep before 6:30 last night, praying for peace and comfort for all of the friends and family and that God would give me peace and allow me to rest. He did, and I did. I awakened a couple of times as usual, made my bathroom stop and fell back to sleep. Today, I am feeling a little numb and like I have entered a world that is not well known to me. The death of two friends within days of each other invokes grief but also a wake-up call to my own mortality. None of is promised tomorrow, but if we know the Lord, we are promised eternity.

So, to answer the questions in the devotional: God is not responsible for the loss. Sin came into the world and death follows sin. God’s purpose is not always known, but He is always working out His plan, in others and in me. May the deaths of these loved ones point others to Christ. I know this must be part of His plan.

I am not really feeling joy this morning, but I am feeling a peace and a comfort that can only come from God. Whoever you are missing today, I hope that as you read these words, you will know that God is close beside you and longs to comfort you with His loving presence.

Seventh of June-Story Behind the Video

Seventh of June-Anne Wilson-Official Video