A few weeks ago, the pastor at the church we attend said at the beginning of the service that there would be a “big announcement” at the end of the service. No one that I know about expected the big announcement that came. The pastor and elders announced that our church is considering a merger with another local church and we will be having town hall meetings to discuss what this will mean for Compass Christian Church. Our church has about 1200 attending on Sundays, in four services starting at 8 a.m and the last one at 4:30 p.m. A few years ago we went through a big renovation, building an auditorium for the kids’ ministry and adding classrooms and parking spaces. Now, a merger? The church they are considering merging with is also a large church, with over 1000 attending two different services on Sundays mornings. My husband drove me by there after church so that I could see the facilities and it is huge with a “campus” with various buildings for their various activities. When I looked up the other church online, I found some information about their numbers, but I don’t really know much about it. So, now the hard part. Do we stay with Compass if they merge next spring or do we start looking for a new church?

The photo that goes with this scripture on the YouVersion App is perfect for how I am feeling now, like I am on the edge of a precipice looking down into a small pool of water and I have no idea if jumping is a good idea or not.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not like change, of any kind or at any time. I am one who thrives on routine and sameness. God has moved me out of my comfort zone several times, but generally, He would nudge me and let me know that change would be coming so I should be prepared for it. This new scenario of a merger hit me like a brick falling unexpectedly on my head. All kinds of “what ifs” are floating around inside that brain of mine.

My first inclination is to say that we need to find a new church. I have been unhappy with the music ministry at Compass for a while. It is so loud that I have to wear noise canceling headphones and at times have had to leave the service and sit in an annex to watch on a screen since the music affects my brain (a side effect of my stroke is that I cannot tolerate loud bass or percussion). So, what would the music be like in a church that is even larger, a mega church, so to speak with a combined membership of over 2000? I have no way of knowing, but that is a concern. So, as I said, my first inclination is to find a new church.

But it is hard to leave the familiar friends and the Sunday school class teachers and classmates behind. It is difficult to contemplate what the women’s ministry for those of us over fifty would be like. What programs will the combined church offer that will be different than what we have now? So many questions and no answers yet. Thus I am left to ponder and pray.

My husband, the extrovert extraordinaire, would be perfectly happy in a mega church with thousands of strangers all around him. I am an introvert with a bad case of shyness and borderline agoraphobia, so the idea of an enormous church with lots of people makes me anxious. God has an answer for my anxiety in that He can and will and is giving me peace. But, what is the solution? I just don’t know. The merger is not a done deal and may never happen, although it sounds a lot like the decision has already been made, the pastors assured us this past Sunday that this is not the case.

I would appreciate your prayers and my husband and I consider what we should do. We are happy at Compass, after getting used to about 400 in the service and finding our niche in various small groups and classes. Can we find another place to belong where we will feel welcomed and comfortable? Maybe, maybe not. And therein lies the problem.