www.bible.com/reading-plans/11667/day/19

I had a real problem with forgiveness for a really long time. First, I had to forgive my mother who was emotionally and physically abusive to me. Now, I can write those words without my heart racing and bitterness consuming me. My mom was a human with a lot of problems and she took them out on me. So, I forgave her. Then, many years after I was an adult and had my own family, my mom died in a suspicious manner. Unproven though it was, it looked a lot like the father who had protected me so many years from my mom, had committed the ultimate act of hatred by withholding her seizure medication and letting her die an excruciating death. We couldn’t prove it, but daddy came just short of admitting it. He himself was a drug addict and I am not sure what led him to do such an awful thing. My siblings and I were devastated. I lost my mom when I was in my 30’s, just when she and I were getting to know each other as friends and mothers. For many years, I carried the burden of knowing what daddy did and not being able to forgive him. Then the Lord spoke to me clearly and told me that He had given His Son so I could be forgiven. There is no other sacrifice and I was only hurting myself by not forgiving my father. God’s word to me was helped along by my father’s sister, a woman who loved the Lord and who on her deathbed begged me not to give up on my father. So, after almost a decade of distancing myself from my father, I started calling him and checking on him. My siblings were mostly outraged that I would contact him, but I continued my pursuit of re-establishing a relationship with him. Finally, in my 60’s, my husband and I traveled to Florida where daddy lived and went to visit him. His dwelling was awful, in a terrible neighborhood and barely livable. We took him out that day to the aquarium and to lunch and I told him that I forgave him. I don’t think he really understood in his drug-addled state what I was forgiving him for, but I had to say the words for me. I then pestered my siblings to let daddy back into their lives. One at a time, they all did, except for my older sister. They each visited daddy, the siblings in Florida checking on him and making sure he had groceries and other necessities. My youngest brother, the one who swore never to forgive daddy, was with him and prayed with daddy when he died in the VA hospital in Tampa. So, I am here to tell you that forgiveness is absolutely necessary, not to free the other person from the sin against you, but to free you from the destruction of bitterness that will eat your soul alive. My father died, knowing he was a sinner saved by grace. Will he pay for killing our mom? I don’t know. God is the final judge, and I will leave that in His capable hands. I loved and forgave, even when I didn’t feel like it.