One of my devotionals today was all about rejection and how we can overcome it. It’s part of a series on mental health, and I can attest to the fact that rejection certainly affects your mental health because it affects how you feel about yourself.
When I was a child, my mother didn’t like me. I know you are shaking your head and saying I was probably rebellious and delusional. Seriously, though, she said things to me like, “I never wanted you. You are so ugly that no one will ever marry you. You need to go to college to support yourself because you will never find a husband.” Thus, convinced that I was unlovable and unattractive, I explored scholarships to college and graduated with honors. I even dated a little in college, but not a lot because my self-esteem was very low and I just didn’t feel as though I fit in.
My senior year of college, I met my future husband on a bus. (That’s another story for another time.) We chatted for hours, getting to know each other and ended up dating, engaged and then married within seven months. During our wedding, held in the backyard of my home at the request of my father, my mother walked around the yard in blue jeans and picked flowers. She did not come to the reception at all, but rather stayed in her bedroom in the house, refusing to acknowledge that I was married. Her silent rebuke of me continued until I gave birth to her first grandchild, of whom she greatly approved and actually showed love and affection.
During our twenty two plus years in the military, I tried to fit in and be accepted, but that old dragon “rejection” kept rearing its head. I missed a lot of dinners and dances that others attended because I just didn’t want to be in a crowd of people for whom I felt invisible. Feeling invisible is a continuing problem with me, so I pray a lot that God will allow me to feel seen.
Back to the devotional and the verses that spoke to my heart today.
Jesus, the Son of God, was rejected by the leaders of the church, by many people and ultimately, his own disciples ran away from Him rather than to be counted guilty along with Him. Nevertheless, God had a plan and carried it out, making Jesus the cornerstone, the very foundation and model for our lives as Christians.
Jesus’s rejection is important because it shows me that even after complete and total turning away from Him, He still fulfilled His mission. We all have a purpose, and if others don’t accept us and our purpose in life, then that does not negate our responsibility to fulfill God’s plan to the best of our ability. If the Son of God can face humiliation and rejection, then who am I to say that I am too wounded to appear in public?
God wants to use me, has never rejected me and has always loved me. So, regardless of my past and all of the mental abuse I suffered, I can still daily seek God’s purpose for me that day and work on carrying it out. Some days I complete the task, some days I barely start it, but I am always plugging away, seeking to please the One who made me and has no reservations about His love for me.
I have come to accept that I am exactly who God made me to be. I am not beautiful on the outside, but I am okay. I am not the smartest person (especially in math), but I am okay. The words that my mother spoke into my mind seeded themselves into my heart, and for many years, I am the one who watered those seeds and believed the fruits of them were true. It is only when I saw them for what they were, weeds strewn along my pathway that needed to be removed, that I could begin to pursue the pleasure of being accepted and being me. I am a child of the King, I am created to be His, and I am righteous before Him. Thus, I am accepted by the only One who matters. I hope that all of you have found that firm foundation in Christ that will show you the worth you have in Him. God doesn’t make ugly and He truly wants you in His family.
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