Have you read harsh words from Jesus to any of His followers? Honestly, I haven’t. He rebuked, guided, cajoled, taught and spoke in parables. But harshness wasn’t his “go to” way to communicate. (I am not referring to Jesus with the money changers or the Pharisees. I am talking about when He was talking to those who followed Him.)

Have you ever had a harsh boss, someone who spoke in commands instead of leading by example? Having moved so many times and teaching in so many different states, I have experienced working with many principals who thought that they knew everything and were there to make sure that I knew that they already knew it all. How do you deal with harshness?

I am sad to confess that after years of dealing with one particular boss, I responded with snark and not a lot of respect. He absolutely got under my skin and knew it. I recall once he gave me a bad review on a lesson plan he came in to observe because I gave a test when he was there. What? When I met with him, I pointed out none too kindly that if he had bothered to read my lesson plans that were sent to him every Monday morning, he would have seen that the chapter test was planned for that day and I had no desire to change the date just because he came in to observe my teaching. Not the best side of me, I know, and I have repented since then. Nowadays, I am working on the whole gentle answer thing.

Responding with harshness makes the other person defensive and nothing is accomplished in the end. A gentle answer may or may not make the other person think about what they have said, but at least it gives me time to reflect on how I contributed to the situation and how I can best represent Jesus in it.

I recently had an altercation with a close relative. She lectured me about something I had not done, all online via a spoken text message. Lots of capital letters in there as she was shouting at me as she spoke and I could hear her in my mind. I could have defended myself and rightly pointed out that the accusation was unfounded, but instead, I responded something like, “I hope you have a good day.” I did not address the issue at all because I knew she was not ready to hear me.

Remember the old saying from your mom and grandmother? “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything.” I think that is sage advice when you are being attacked and know that you are defenseless against the assault of words coming your way. The best thing to do, I think, is not to defend. I recall that when Jesus was before the rulers, He did not defend Himself. He barely spoke a word, although He, of course, was right and they were deliberately accusing Him falsely. Instead, He let things play out, went to the cross and had the title over the cross “King of the Jews” as commanded by Pilate. The accusers wanted the title to say, “He says He is…” but Pilate shut that down with His authority and said it stood as he had decreed. Jesus didn’t have to defend Himself to be recognized as the Sovereign of the World.

Gentle answers are not easy to do. We want to rail at the person who is in our face, giving us “what for” and in no uncertain terms telling us what they think of us. Nevertheless, if we step back from the situation then we can reply gently and move on. Yes, our feelings are still hurt and we may be fuming on the inside. But it is up to us to control ourselves and not let anger take over.

Since the altercation, I have sent several texts sending holiday greetings and today I sent one asking about her health and telling her about new books coming out. She may/may not answer me at all. That has been my experience in the past. But it’s okay because I am keeping the door open in case she wants to come in and actually talk instead of attack.

I think about all of the problems going on in DC and throughout the nation. What would happen if one, just one person, decided to respond gently instead of with the same kind of vitriol that is being tossed their way? Maybe, just maybe, our leaders could go about the business of running the country instead of just their mouths. But I digress. This is not a political commentary but rather a social one.

I want to encourage my readers to think before you reply and to reply gently. That includes the whole “speaking with the fingers” thing that so many of us do daily. It is better, in my opinion, not to reply at all than to reply with harshness, even if what you were going to say is true. Truth doesn’t always make it kind, does it?

Have a thought-filled day!