Calming My Fears

Yesterday was a difficult day for me since I had to go to the cardiologist for a consultation about some problems I have been having. The day started early, with the cat demanding to be fed and then knocking over a bottle of open water, leaving me a mess to clean up before I could settle into the rest of my routine. My husband got up and got ready to take me to see the doctor and prayed for me before I went in. My problems may or may not be serious, but anything dealing with the heart and circulation is scary for me. I couldn’t help but think of my best friend Heidi who had vascular surgery, got an infection, had a leg amputated and ending up dying of sepsis only a few years later. Not thrilled about the idea of any kind of surgery, I went into the office with trepidation and told my husband that I would call him if I needed him to come in and be with me.

Of course, God was with me all along, calmed my fears and is still calming me today as I face four different tests that will determine what is going on. All I know is that I have passed out a couple of times, without warning, and I am losing feeling in my lower extremities. The doctor wants to eliminate a heart issue, so I have to wear a heart monitor for a month, have an ultrasound on my heart, another ultrasound on my legs and a nuclear stress test. I am waiting for the Bio company to send the heart monitor which is supposed to arrive by next week. Meanwhile, my anxiety kicked in and I needed this Scripture verse this morning.

God assured me that He is right beside me. He is delighting in me, in spite of my doubts and fears and He is calming me. He is rejoicing over me while I rejoice in His love and His presence with me. Yes, it is a trying time for me, but there are many going through much worse and I am thankful that the doctors are willing to do the tests that can give them the information that they need to go forward. My heart has worked well for me for over seventy years and I know that the One who determines my future is in total control of my present. That being said, I would appreciate prayers from any of you who agree with me about God’s sovereignty.

May the Lord bless your going out and your coming in and may each step you take and each decision you make glorify Him.

Thankful for Grief

No, I am not having a pity party, and no, you are not invited to join. I am thankful for grief because of the memories it brings. Thanksgiving is a hard season for me although I will readily admit it has always been my favorite holiday. But twenty years ago, my mom died the week of Thanksgiving, shadowing the holiday in sorrow and grief that seemed to overwhelm me at times. My mom and I had a difficult relationship and as I have aged, I have come to the conclusion that we had trouble relating to each other because we are so much like each other. I like order, organization and plans. So did mama. I like to be quiet and reflective and read. So did mama. I tend to explode when things happen unexpectedly. So did mama. And on and on it goes. Thus, each Thanksgiving season, I ponder why I never felt really loved by my mother. She used to tell me how ugly I was (I look a lot like she did), told me I had to go to college and pay for it myself so I had better study hard in high school, and told me that I would have to work my whole life because no man would ever want me. Yes, mama was cruel at times, but I think it was because she was judging herself. I have a tendency to do that, too, but I hope and pray that I am not harsh as she was. When I find myself about to speak harsh words, I remember how deeply mama’s words cut me and try to control myself and my speech better. The long and short of it is that I am thankful for grief because it also brings healing from wounds that have festered for too long. I had to come to a place of forgiveness for my mom before I could really grieve for her. Now, each Thanksgiving, I realize that it is another year without her and I miss her smile and know that she would have loved being a grandmother because that is a great joy in my life. I’m sorry that her life’s choices led her to miss out on this part of her journey.

God’s love is always compassionate. He understands loss and grief. It was not His plan for man to die at all. That came from poor choices in the Garden of Eden and poor choices ever since, too. We are now all sinners saved by grace and each of us has to die. Each of us will grieve at some time in our lives, and I sincerely believe that God grieves with us, holding us close and comforting us when the grief rolls over us like high tide during a full moon.

One of the strange things about grief is the everyday tasks that suddenly and without any warning turn into tears streaming down the cheek. I can be in the grocery story getting ingredients for one of my favorite dishes and recall that mama used to make the same dish and tears come to my eyes. I see a grandchild do particularly well in an activity and tears spring out because I think about all that mama has missed. It’s a strange thing to go from happiness to grief in a split second. But just as quickly, the Comforter comes and reminds me of His love and grace and mercy and that He is always with me. Others may leave and I will never see them again on this earth. Just as one phone call shattering my night ended my earthly relationship with my mother, so sudden and unexpected is death. I want to leave behind happy memories for my children and grandchildren. That has been my goal since that Thanksgiving twenty years ago. I want them to remember the good times and rejoice that I have a relationship with God that gives me eternal life and them to, if they make that choice. God doesn’t love me or you any less than anyone else. We are all the same and He truly desires that we find out the truth about grieving. It is a process, part of our journey on earth, that we all must go through.

May your day be blessed with fond memories and sweet times with your family and friends as you create new ones together!


When unexpected events happen in my life, it is then that I find out what parts of my life I have not yet surrendered to God. That is when the anxiety that is always lurking and ready to attack surfaces and I have to be ready to give it all to Jesus again. This week, I found myself anxious about our grandson Tyler’s appointment with the surgeon. But because God had reassured me repeatedly that He is taking care of Tyler, the anxiety did not get the best of me. Rather. I prayed and then waited for word from my daughter. Normally, I would have been texting repeatedly about the time of the appointment, the outcome of the appointment, the exact words of the surgeon. Instead, I rested in the assurance of the Lord. The results weren’t all that I wanted, but they were enough to let me know that God has the situation under control and He doesn’t need my help to manage it. The surgeon told Tyler that the fracture of his clavicle is severe and is taking a while to heal. He took him out of the brace and the sling but cautioned him that he cannot lift anything. He also gave him gentle exercises to do as he showers in order to get strength back into his left arm that he hasn’t used since August. Finally, he wants to see him again in a month. The clavicle has moved back into the correct position, so that is a big praise and a huge relief! God is good, even when we try to rush Him or move Him quickly towards our desired outcome. He moves in His time and with His purpose. So, the anxiety that I had felt before this week, leading up to the appointment, did not do anything but make me uncomfortable. I had to hand things over to the Father to handle and then I felt the “ahh” relief that comes from knowing that although I couldn’t do anything, God could and was working on Tyler’s behalf.

Letting go and letting God is freeing and brings rejoicing, maybe not immediately or during the circumstances, but in the end, the rejoicing comes.

Just as the ocean washes away the debris from the beach, so God is washing away my tendency to be anxious. He wants me to relax and trust Him and every day is a new day to try to do just that. Last week was Tyler’s appointment. Who knows what this week will bring? But as I texted Tyler, nothing is going to happen to me today that God and I cannot handle together. God is making sure that I know that and I’m looking forward to see where He will lead me next in my quest for total trust and assurance in Him.

Have a blessed day, filled with rejoicing and the knowledge that God has everything under control!


As I read this verse today, I applied it to what is making me wring my hands in despair these days. Although the President does not make Godly decisions, although Congress is corrupt, although the Supreme Court is undependable, although my state government is liberal to the extreme, and although the pandemic is still around, I will rejoice. It is a choice! We choose to rejoice in our circumstances, giving the circumstances and the worries to God to deal with and rejoicing because God is still on the throne. The sun that He created still came up this morning. It’s a new day to rejoice in the Lord!

Be blessed with the knowledge that the earth is the Lord’s and He is in control!