Marriage Is Not 50-50, It’s 100-100

Having been married for almost 47 years, I have had others ask me how I have managed to stay married for so long. My answer is always the same, “I took a vow and made a commitment.” No, our married life has not always been an easy one. Mostly, that was because I was spoiled, raised in an upper middle class family and living in one hometown for my whole life until I left for college. Becoming a military wife was not just a culture shock, it was a heart attack on a stick for me. I was left alone…a lot! The first six years of our marriage, my husband was with me only about two of them. So when Harry came home, I was demanding and clinging to him, not wanting him to disappear again. That period of life ended with my being resentful every time he left. I was alone with three children, usually in a new place to which we had just moved, and he was sent away. The anger I felt was real and boiling over, so that when he did return for his infrequent visits, I was a kettle ready to explode because I had been left on the “hot eye” of single parenthood for too long. Yes, I found and developed friends at church and on the bases where we were living, but I was desperately lonely for my companion, the one God had given me. Instead of expressing how much I missed him, I would explode with rage over every little thing. Slowly, God got me under control, reigning in my anger and bitterness and letting me know that when Harry was gone, He was going to be a husband to me. God never left me and never disappointed me, so I was more content after that. I look back on those wasted years with shame, but I have prayed that God will redeem and restore those years. Since 1996, when my husband retired from the military, we have been together for most of the time and are enjoying these years together. Not all sunshine and roses for the last 46 years, but we have overcome the hard times and face a future together that is one based on trust of each other and in the Lord who created us and who has kept us together. Getting a divorce would have been easier in many ways, but so difficult for our children and also against what I believe is God’s best for me. I was told by many family members just to leave him, especially when he became physically abusive in response to my verbal attacks. Nevertheless, I persevered and I’m happy that we will go out to eat something together today and just cuddle quietly in bed later tonight. Love doesn’t mean never saying you’re sorry. It means saying you’re sorry daily as needed, just like taking vitamins. It makes you stronger and more resilient to the infections around you, the infections that say that divorce is the only option.

Photo from

This is Dr. Denison’s article from today:

Have a blessed and happy Valentine’s Day! We love because He first loved us!

9 thoughts on “Marriage Is Not 50-50, It’s 100-100

  1. Thank you for sharing these personal and painful memories, Vickie. This post — and your marriage — speak volumes about faithfulness and perseverance in the worst of times. God bless the two of you with many more years!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Dollfaced Writer

    Wow! Thank you so, so much for sharing this. It’s something I feel all married couples should read, because we expect life and marriage too be so easy when it’s not. Reality hits hard and sometimes it can be too much if you don’t change your expectations/perspective. You persevered and I admire you so much for that. God bless you 💕 I hope you and your husband have a wonderful day together!

    Liked by 4 people

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